Rip. It. Off.

The next two weeks are a little busier than normal in the R household. B has a number of appointments which need preparation for, and I am busy work-wise as well. I had my first meeting about the fall Cross-Country season yesterday afternoon, on top of my non-profit work; I try to contain my hours to four mornings and/or afternoons a week to prevent this adequately paid part-time job from turning into a grossly underpaid full-time position. Today was not going to fall within those timeframe boundaries.

Today is a preschool day, so CR and I shuttled off at 8:15am to school. As we proceeded along my path to my freedom to do work and possibly sneak in a trip to the gym, CR changed our dialogue about the upcoming day from happy and optimistic to frightened and tearful...

I started the conversation asking him about how excited he must be to go back to school, that it was a beautiful day so he could play outside with his new friends, and the like...at first he was all about it...then, I knew where things were going...downward...fast.

Mommy: You have circle time today, do you think KT will ask you to help her decide about what the weather is like outside?
CR: I like circle time (good start).
Mommy: You get to see all your new friends at once, all in the same room.
CR: I don't want to do circle time.
Mommy: (hmm...the words "don't want to" never bodes well...) After circle time, you get to have snack.
CR: I don't like snack...I don't want to go outside...
Mommy: (okay, never mentioned anything about going outside, but okaaay...) It's so nice outside! Remember yesterday when Mommy went to work, and you went outside with SM and played baseball? Maybe your teachers will bring you outside and you can play baseball or play with shovels in the sand??!! That will be so great!
CR: (lip trembling) I don't want to go to schoooool...I want to stay with Mommy...

And so it went, and we hadn't even reached the curb out front.

Sooooo, Mommy went to circle time...Mommy went to snack time...Mommy even watched over some arts and crafts. As CR reached for a cotton ball (B's nightmare - he can't even take a mound of the stuff out of a Tylenol bottle without cringing...odd phobia? I think so...), I told him I was heading out to grab a cup of coffee, and that I would be back soon...distracted, he said "uh huh," and out I went. I felt guilty, knowing that I wouldn't be back until pick-up at noon, but there was only so much I could take - I had work to do, and my departure was not going to scar the little guy for life - it might make his teachers want to pull their hair out once he realized I left, but simply being a teacher for that age-group insinuates that you have a higher than normal patience threshold than the average bear, so I left to salvage whatever amount of "free time" I had remaining to address a few work issues on my checklist.

I returned at 5 to twelve, and young weepy-eyes was outside with the other kids (accomplishment - two steps forward), but he had obviously been crying (tipped off by snot streaming from his nose) and could not cry harder or lurch faster toward me as I entered the play yard gates (twice as many steps in the opposite direction).

I left feeling defeated and deflated. Last week he had one good day and one bad day...I was optimistic that we were onto a pattern that would soon turn into two good days and no bad ones from hereon out...not the case.

I did have an "in-depth" conversation with him on the way home - we talked about why he got upset, and that he should know that Mommy will always come back to get him.

Okay, there was a little bribery involving a Dum-Dum lollipop and my stating that if he didn't cry or get his Pull-ups in a bunch when he comes back to school on Thursday, that I would bring him the tasty treat on a stick in a flavor of his choice...he went for it, at least in theory...

He needs to get over this. And I need to just leave. Like ripping off a band-aid. Not only for him and his own personal growth, but I have stuff I need to do - I have appointments both preschool days next week that are not right next door to him...if he freaks out, then Mommy will have a bit of a longer commute back to save him...stay tuned next week as our little hero decides whether or not the sugar trick is strong enough to ward off the tears...

(image from here)